i saw an old man today
dressed comfortably
in sweats at a doctor's
office waiting for his son
to finish scheduling 
his next visit, joking
loudly with the lady
while the old man
kept looking at me
as he squirmed in his
seat wanting me to
acknowledge him
somehow without asking
after our eyes met
when he first came out
i saw my old man completely
knowing what he is
going through and how
different it looks to most
who have never known death
slowly tearing down a man
as they try to be
like they always were
and sometimes even more
exaggerated as his son
   finished
they started to leave
while the old man
in a voice impossibly loud
and clear shouted
goodbye see you next
   time
   
i should have been there
for him in that first gaze
offering all i could
to help prop him up
as i propped up my father
but i couldn't do it
keeping my eyes closed
in meditation that separates
who i am from all around
and melds it into a whole
but i should have
given him that gift
even if it is a lie
because i loved him
without knowing at the time